Narcissist?

[MaryB]

Do you know one?  Had any dealings with one?

[haidyl]

Ooh my goodness, I had a friend back in the day who was one. How do such people derive gratification from self-aggrandization? I couldn't cope with her and try telling such people to try and go slow on themselves and you end up being their worst enemy.

[GrownChildMother]

I was married to one for 3 1/2 years a long time ago. It was the most miserable time in my life. He was mentally, emotionally and physically abusive to me. Quite frankly, he was the most horrible person I have ever known in my life. He was totally consumed with what he wanted and what he thought he needed and it did not matter who he hurt or made mad to get it.

[MaryB]

How can we protect ourselves from them?  They can act so sweet in the beginning, but after they have you reeled in wow!!  What a bloody nitemare!   

[XandO]

Self centered egoists are quite the problem, I agree, the world just has too many of them. It's true that they can be charming and come off as being concerned for others' welfare, that's their allure. After a time, their true natures emerge and the "fun and games" begin! The problem arises, just how not to fall into their trap? The answer lies through experience, once burned, twice shy, be aware and astute.

[MaryB]

Oh now that's the truth..  I have learned that they pry on the meek so not to be so eager to offer services.  Once married to one, it is more like a prison term.  GCM is lucky to have escaped.  I dont think I'd trust anyone else enough to marry again, not that I could because I am married, but you know what I mean.  The risk is to great.  Unless you know of these personalities, by the time you figure out something if off you are usually in deep.  More people need to know this character is out there and to beware.  I'm serious

[cherie]

You raise really valid points but the question is, what happens when you are already in there? For instance, what happens when you are married to such a person and you don't wan't to give up on them yet?

[MaryB]

cherie,   I have over 40 years with one.  It's been one trying miserable marriage.  I didnt even know what I was dealing with till a few years ago, then learned of narcissism.   I am distancing myself from my sis in law that is one and think I may have lost my brother over it, but cheesh I put up with enough in my own house to have to put up with her too!  They are selfish inconsiderate people that do not have any feelings for anyone else other than themselves.  Much like an infant..  people that do not know them personally think you can change them or react in such a way to combat them but you cant.  You just pick your battles..  they always win

[GrownChildMother]

I totally agree MaryB about not being able to change them. I was so young and naive in my first marriage. I truly believed that the happy childhood I had and the person it made me was enough for me to teach him how a happy life was supposed to be. Nope! Only an act of God can change the mindset of a true narcissist. And then, they don't always let God open their eyes either.

[MaryB]

GCM, you are one of the lucky ones that got out, even though you lost those few years.  It is so frustrating when someone doesnt understand, and so comforting when someone does understand because it helps to talk/vent without getting told it is our fault they are the way they are.  I dont know what is wrong with them, but we sure didnt do it to them. 

[Natasha]

I feel like we have all had to unfortunately deal with a narcissist or two. My land lord is one and he makes my blood boil whenever he comes to the home to collect rent.

[MaryB]

But if people are like me, they didnt know that was a 'type'.  I just thought some people were obnoxious..  but there is a definite personality!  I feel like knowing they exist you can protect yourself, because at first they come across as sweet as sugar...