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Author Topic: Did You Expect It To Be Lonely  (Read 779 times)

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Offline GrownChildMother

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Did You Expect It To Be Lonely
« on: March 16, 2017, 03:23:26 PM »
When my son first moved out, I felt so lost. Even though I still had my daughter at home, it just was not the same without him. I wish I had prepared myself for this years ago, but I guess I just never thought about it bothering me so. Did you ever think about how you'd feel when your kids moved out on their own? Did you expect it to be this lonely?

Empty Nest Moms

Did You Expect It To Be Lonely
« on: March 16, 2017, 03:23:26 PM »

Offline MomOf2Rugrats

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Re: Did You Expect It To Be Lonely
« Reply #1 on: March 16, 2017, 05:03:23 PM »
I didn't expect to feel so lonely. A lot of people I know (I'm not close friends with them). Have careers & seemed to not make their children their whole entire world. I didn't even think twice about it. Thought once they were raised, I'd get to do the things I have always wanted to do. And now my anxiety is so bad. I can barely focus on getting thru the day. I feel like I'm just doing my best to get thru the day without being a complete mess. I have been gone all day today & now, I feel so overwhelmed. Going on a trip after she gets out of school tomorrow, 3 hours away with my 17 yr old. I haven't done my laundry, haven't packed, haven't cleaned. She has a school thing this evening. And before we leave tomorrow, I have to take my mom to the dr & thats a 4 hour round trip. It's a lot in one day! The dr is a have to thing or I'd  arrange it a different day for sure! So, gonna have to pull myself together & get things going! My stomach hurts constantly. That is even with anxiety medication. Impatiently waiting for the anxiety to calm!  I never expected empty nest to be this hard. Like you say, even with a daughter at home it's not the same at all! I've actually struggled for years. They used to want to play board games & bake, help cook dinner & watch tv. And once they turned 15/16 all of that stopped! I feel like It's a huge loss! I know we will get thru it. I just wish my stomach aches would go away. It's in the pit of my tummy. And it makes me feel emotionally paralyzed if that even makes sense?

Offline Kidless

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Re: Did You Expect It To Be Lonely
« Reply #2 on: March 17, 2017, 08:28:01 AM »

 Mom!  I can sympathize with you.  When my kids were home we were constantly on the go 7 nights a week it seemed like.  I was also on anxiety meds and that helped a lot.  Maybe you should contact your Dr. and see if she/he could up your dose just to get through these hard times.  Normally I would not recommend this to anyone but having been there and done that I understand.  Just take deep breaths, close your eyes and say a little prayer.  That will help bunches.  Please keep in touch. 
 :big hug smiley sign: 

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Re: Did You Expect It To Be Lonely
« Reply #2 on: March 17, 2017, 08:28:01 AM »

Offline cookielady

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Re: Did You Expect It To Be Lonely
« Reply #3 on: March 19, 2017, 09:05:24 PM »
I don't think there is really no way to prepare for them leaving the nest. I had always wanted to be a mom so I made sure I was always there in every way, from broken hearts to cheering them on at their chosen sports. I work and have a hobby but that doesn't fill the void in my heart and life now that they're both gone. I agree that there are so many memories and they seem to be everywhere and I feel a sense of loss every time I see a picture or toy.People keep saying "find a new purpose" for your life, but that's easier said than done! I guess we'll just keep plugging along....

Offline GrownChildMother

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Re: Did You Expect It To Be Lonely
« Reply #4 on: March 19, 2017, 09:43:37 PM »
MomOf2Rugrats, that all makes perfect sense! My daughter is in high school band. While I am thrilled she loves music and it does keep her out of trouble, I had no idea how much running it would involve. I also now have my mother to take care of and with her dementia, that's just like having another child. I have been on anxiety meds myself for the past year and if I miss just one dose, the anxiety starts rushing in on me. But even with all that, I still miss my son. I wish I could see my boy every day. :/

Offline XandO

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Re: Did You Expect It To Be Lonely
« Reply #5 on: March 20, 2017, 12:04:24 PM »
As a guy, I can empathize but not fully "be there" with you gals. Women are more physiologically attuned with their children. It's difficult for a guy when the nest becomes empty, but usually, a guy can replace some of the heartache with outside stimulation that dulls some of the pain.

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Did You Expect It To Be Lonely
« Reply #5 on: March 20, 2017, 12:04:24 PM »

Offline Lyndish

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Re: Did You Expect It To Be Lonely
« Reply #6 on: April 10, 2017, 05:04:13 AM »
People keep saying "find a new purpose" for your life, but that's easier said than done! I guess we'll just keep plugging along....
I really agree that this is easier said than done. Filling the hole left when someone leaves or moves is much more difficult than replacing a hobby or even a job. Every relationship is unique, so replacing them is impossible, and I don't think I really want to. Whatever happens I am still their mother, even if I'm not living with them full-time any more.

Offline MomOf2Rugrats

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Re: Did You Expect It To Be Lonely
« Reply #7 on: April 11, 2017, 12:03:58 PM »
You know, I came back to read replies to this topic. And I talked to my aunt a few weeks ago. And she works full time & always did even when the children were in the home. And it's not any easier on her. People tell me I should get a job. I think right now, that's the last & worst thing I need right now 😂 My aunt has 2 kids. The last one moved out a year ago. She mentioned his name & she just started bawling. So, my thinking of "if I would've had a job or something else to focus on" theory. Was totally wrong 😂

Offline Whatcomesnext

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Re: Did You Expect It To Be Lonely
« Reply #8 on: April 16, 2017, 10:14:01 PM »
I am right there with you.  I knew I would miss them, but I thought I would also enjoy the flexibility of having more time and mental energy for myself.  But instead I feel deflated!  I don't want them to see me like this.  Where is the person I used to be, with interests and things I wanted to do? 


I read another article that said expect it to take 18-24 months to start to feel normal again.  Sounds reasonable ( it is a form of grieving I guess) but that's a long time... what to do in the meantime?

Offline Jeanine

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Re: Did You Expect It To Be Lonely
« Reply #9 on: April 17, 2017, 05:44:44 PM »
Hi Whatcomesnext.....welcome to the forum.  :039:  A lot of people are asking that same question, what to do? Just hang around and ask all the questions you want, someone will come around with some suggestions. Just know that it does get better with time so hang in there!

Offline Janeb

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Re: Did You Expect It To Be Lonely
« Reply #10 on: May 01, 2017, 10:28:25 AM »
Well my 'two cents' here is that I certainly didn't expect to feel that loneliness! Our last one finished college a good while back but lived with us the whole time. She has since moved in with some friends and they are doing great. At first I thought we would just breeze through this phase but for a couple months I just felt 'empty'. We missed her a lot more then we thought but are starting to come around now. Getting out more and trying to stay busy helps wonders. We stay in touch with her and our other kids which helps a lot also.


I come here often to read to see how others are holding up so that does hep, even though I don't post a lot just reading is good 'therapy'.

Offline cookielady

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Re: Did You Expect It To Be Lonely
« Reply #11 on: August 16, 2017, 04:25:37 PM »
I found myself really feeling blue the other day, thinking of my kids and asked myself "What the heck did I do before I had kids???" I know I had hobbies, interests etc before they came along. It then dawned on me that back before kids I had nieces that I doted on, taking them to church, watching their school plays and having them over for sleepovers. I didn't really mourn over the fact they were growing up and needing me less because I was starting my own family. My kids were very close to their cousins and my house or my sister's house was always busy. It's funny, but I am now feeling the loss of little nieces now that my house is sooooo very quiet. I miss big family dinners, birthday parties, and picking up various little ones from school and taking them for ice cream. It seems every one else has moved on with no problem, which compounds my sadness. I know I should be happy but I just can't shake this gnawing sense of loss and emptiness. I'm really trying to stay busy but I feel like I'm trying to put a small bandage on a gaping wound.

Offline CatMom

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Re: Did You Expect It To Be Lonely
« Reply #12 on: August 17, 2017, 10:30:14 PM »
Although you know it's coming, it's impossible to plan for. It's a grieving process and one that has to be gone through. When my first daughter moved out, I took solace in my other two, but as they all spread their wings it got harder. I tried to keep myself busy from the start and it did help, but it's never the same. I'm not sure parents tried to hold on so tight, at least not that I remember. But parenting has cycles like anything else, so maybe that was during a hands-off time. I make sure mine know that I love them and that I expect regular updates. That way I don't have to be the annoying one.


I do hope things start to look up.  :big hug smiley sign:

Offline Natasha

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Re: Did You Expect It To Be Lonely
« Reply #13 on: August 31, 2017, 06:06:26 PM »
I'm not going to lie, I expected to feel a little lonely, but I wasn't prepared for how intense the feeling of loneliness was. I think I drove my kids crazy calling them almost every hour, initially.

Offline Maryannek

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Re: Did You Expect It To Be Lonely
« Reply #14 on: October 02, 2017, 06:55:40 PM »
I agree....spent my whole life being a mom I never made adult freinds, now everyone has their own group already.

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Did You Expect It To Be Lonely
« Reply #14 on: October 02, 2017, 06:55:40 PM »

 

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