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Author Topic: hard time moving on  (Read 1099 times)

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Offline cookielady

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hard time moving on
« on: March 13, 2017, 07:27:56 PM »
I never in my life did I think I'd join a forum like this, but.... I am a recent empty nester and just feel consumes with sadness, lonliness and loss. I cry more over them leaving than when my mother died! My whole life was my 2 kids and their various activities and now I am left with a seemingly empty life as well as a house. All of our socialization was through their activities! We've tried to reconnect with old friends and acquaintences but they are busy, etc. I feel like I'm back in high school, being the outsider trying to make friends. People, it seems, already have enough friends and just can't make room for one more. Honestly, I wish there was a club or something, with people in similar situations, that we could join. Anyone have any suggestions?

Empty Nest Moms

hard time moving on
« on: March 13, 2017, 07:27:56 PM »

Offline Carla

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Re: hard time moving on
« Reply #1 on: March 14, 2017, 04:25:24 PM »
Hi cookielady, hit you hard did it? Don't feel to bad it does that to a lot of us! We've gotten past most of it but still feel pangs now and then. It's to bad that you can't connect with some of your older friends. You mentioned joining a club or something why not look around in your area or close by and see what is available for adults? You might get lucky and find something. You may just have to find things on your own to keep you busy for a while. Are there things you and your husband like to do together and maybe you haven't done in a long time?


Do you like to travel? Maybe some short trips now and then? You are in the right place as far as meeting others going through the same feelings. Some still are and some have made it almost through. Just keep posting and 'talking' with others, you would be surprised at how much that can help.
 :grouphugsign:

Offline MomOf2Rugrats

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Re: hard time moving on
« Reply #2 on: March 14, 2017, 06:04:34 PM »
Hey again! First of all, I think it's funny that I replied to your reply on one of my posts. And I said I wished there was an empty-nester support group! And then, I come to read your post & you say the same thing  :cute group hug: :cute group hug:
It already feels so hard. My daughter has one year of school left after this year. And, like i explained in my post. I feel like an empty-nester although I have one in the home still. It's so hard! My son is getting married soon. Im super excited, yet sad. No more summers home like I'm used to! And, I feel the same way about people & friends. Most everyone I know already have good friends & they don't seem to be interested in making a new friend. Making friends seems so exhausting. But, at the same time I crave friendship. I had great friends when the kids were younger. But, they all, every single one of them. Had marital problems, split up, divorced, moved, went to work. And in the past few years I made a few new friends. They seemed to be crazy? I put my heart & soul into friendship. And then, it turns out to be a big ole flop. It's depressing. One got into drugs & i had no clue. And another befriended me and wanted money. It was sad to lose them. But, I can't nor do I want to get wrapped up into stuff that will land me into trouble  & I don't deserve to be used. Soo, I remain lonely! My stomach hurts all of the time because of anxiety. My husband gets home & it goes away. But, unfortunately, he has to work  :dunno: haha.


If I talk about being lonely to the wrong person. People say "oooh you just need to volunteer...NO! haha. I have bad anxiety. And, volunteering is not in my near future. I just laughed so hard at that HAHAHA! I love to crochet and sew and do puzzles. But, for some reason. I cant seem to see past all of the loneliness to do any of that. And I also feel a lot of guilt because I don't work. I don't have to and I don't want to. So, Im not sure why I can't get past that. And my husband doesn't want me to work? I called about counseling. And the person I wanted to see has a 2 month wait. So, I just said forget it.


Sorry for all of the rambling.....i guess you can see that I am lonely ARGH!

Empty Nest Moms

Re: hard time moving on
« Reply #2 on: March 14, 2017, 06:04:34 PM »

Offline Kidless

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Re: hard time moving on
« Reply #3 on: March 15, 2017, 07:22:46 AM »
I could very easily be a recluse too.  Having some of the same feelings you all have, I had to fight my way out of them.  I had to make myself go out and do things.  I also like to crochet, sew and read so that's where I started.  I found a sewing class at my local senior center and am now happily making a quilt and havimg fun with the other ladies in the class.  Make yourself get out and go.  Please!!!!  You'll feel so much better.   :cute group hug:

Offline Lyndish

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Re: hard time moving on
« Reply #4 on: March 16, 2017, 12:59:04 PM »
It can be hard to find new friends at our age, but all I can suggest is find something you have an interest in and let the friendships grow from there. Try an evening class, or learn a new skill. If it is something social like languages, then it is a chance to talk to people and get to know them.

And in the past few years I made a few new friends. They seemed to be crazy? I put my heart & soul into friendship. And then, it turns out to be a big ole flop. It's depressing. One got into drugs & i had no clue. And another befriended me and wanted money. It was sad to lose them. But, I can't nor do I want to get wrapped up into stuff that will land me into trouble  & I don't deserve to be used. Soo, I remain lonely!
I found that post really sad because it is exactly what happened to me. It seems like it is so hard to tell the good people genuinely wanting friends from the users. I'm closer friends with people I knew from work years ago and can only keep up with online, than the people living near me!

Offline Natasha

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Re: hard time moving on
« Reply #5 on: June 16, 2017, 10:34:44 AM »
Cookielady, I am so sorry to hear that you are having this major struggle. Have you considered that maybe instead of trying to find more friends, you should try to find a new hobby? Something to get your mind off of what's going on and to help relieve your stress a little.

Empty Nest Moms

Re: hard time moving on
« Reply #5 on: June 16, 2017, 10:34:44 AM »

Offline DottieMae

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Re: hard time moving on
« Reply #6 on: July 22, 2017, 11:59:39 AM »
How are you doing cookielady? (nice username btw) :) Hope you are doing much better. Have you been able to find things to do? Manage to meet up with any others in your same situation? I do hope things have started to improve for you!


Take care and keep us posted.  :039:

Offline cookielady

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Re: hard time moving on
« Reply #7 on: July 22, 2017, 12:55:20 PM »
Thank you for asking how I am doing! I still cry a lot, especially about my son(he's decided to drop out of college, which I also posted about). He makes me feel like such a failure at being a mom, but rationally I know it's nothing I've done wrong. I still feel very lonely. We've invited some "friends" over for dinner a couple of times, but it seems that's one sided-we never get invited over to their homes. Seems they're too busy or already full in the friendship department to make room for us. I feel like just giving up on that. Wish there was some sort of club for "friendless" empty nesters we could join. I do have a hobby that I'm seriously considering trying to turn into a business (I decorate cookies and caramel apples, hence the username!). Hope all is well with you and our fellow empty nesters......

Offline Jeanine

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Re: hard time moving on
« Reply #8 on: July 22, 2017, 02:00:25 PM »
Hi Cookielady, thanks for the update. I've wondered about your username also, you see everyones and wonder if there is some sort of meaning behind them or just one they picked. :) Sounds like that would be a good business to go into and something that would keep you busy. Might even find new friends.


As to your son, well we can only do so much as parents then the rest is up to the 'kids'. So, don't blame yourself and just hope for the best. Who knows he may very well come around and go back to college or find something that he is really interested in and do fine.


Are there no 'social' clubs in your area that you can check out? Not sure of your age but thinking of senior centers, sometimes they consider 50 and up seniors. Maybe you could even check in to starting something up yourself? You might be surprised at others feeling the same way as you and you just don't know it. Just saying.... :dunno:


Thanks again for the update.......


Offline amsmomm

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Re: hard time moving on
« Reply #9 on: July 23, 2017, 08:12:41 AM »
Your hobby sounds delicious! Maybe you could meet people that way. It is hard finding friends at any point in life. Don't stop trying. Do things that you and your husband like, look around and see who else is doing them. Strike up a conversation.

Offline DottieMae

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Re: hard time moving on
« Reply #10 on: January 30, 2018, 03:26:34 PM »
Just catching up on this topic and wondering how you are doing Cookielady and Momof2rugrats? Hope you are both doing well and moving on with life? Would love to have an update on the both of you.  :039:


Hope everyone had a nice Christmas and a Happy New Year. :cutecheerleader:

Offline cookielady

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Re: hard time moving on
« Reply #11 on: January 30, 2018, 05:52:01 PM »
Hi DottieMae! Thank you for inquiring how I'm doing. Sorry it's been a while since I've posted. Things have been rough health-wise. On Jan. 5th I underwent a total hysterectomy for endometrial cancer and recovery is not going well. Plus being suddenly plunged into menopause is no fun at all. I feel like I'm still me but someone stole my body and replaced it with a much inferior model! I saw a doc yesterday about hormone replacement, but she said I need to be more "recovered" to talk that option. Moving on with life is still tough but I'm making a big effort. Volunteering at a preschool was a god send! I decided to go back to school last year to become an aide in a special ed. preschool (I work in special ed now but with teenagers). My son is now living at home. We told him he needs to be going to school in order to keep living here so he signed up for business/marketing classes. His attitude has improved somewhat but he's still has a "I know it all and you don't cuz you don't understand today's world" mentality. I'll keep praying for him!

Offline FeelingAlone

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Re: hard time moving on
« Reply #12 on: January 30, 2018, 06:40:38 PM »
Hi all, I'm new here and read all of these post. Sorry to hear of your health issues cookielady, hope everything will get better for you, I know it must be hard. Sounds like you have a good volunteer job though. Must be very rewarding and good for you for doing it.


It's been very hard for me since my daughter left for college. She's my only child and ended up several hours away! I'm trying really hard to 'let go' and move on but not working to well right now. Being single now and on my own it's just kind of lonely. I know what you mean about trying to make new/more friends even though I'm single. Not sure if it is harder that way or not?


Anyways, glad I found this site and will keep reading, looks like it might take some time too!

Offline Jeanine

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Re: hard time moving on
« Reply #13 on: January 31, 2018, 07:52:27 AM »
Welcome FeelingAlone to ENM's. Glad you found us. Just take your time and read around the boards, I'm sure it will help you a lot. Also, hang in there, sounds like you are giving it a good try to move forward. It does take time for some.  :grouphugsign:

Offline Jeanine

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Re: hard time moving on
« Reply #14 on: January 31, 2018, 08:00:02 AM »
Oh my cookielady, sounds like you have been through it. So sorry for all your troubles and hope recovery starts getting better for you. Menopause can be very troublesome so hang in there!


Well at least your son is going back to school and will maybe it will lead to a whole new career that he finds interesting.


You take it easy and congrats on you going back to school! Sounds like you are enjoying your job so that's a big plus.


 :big hug smiley sign:

Empty Nest Moms

Re: hard time moving on
« Reply #14 on: January 31, 2018, 08:00:02 AM »

 

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