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Author Topic: Why do I feel guilty?  (Read 3772 times)

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Offline MomOf2Rugrats

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Why do I feel guilty?
« on: February 12, 2017, 05:29:22 PM »
I have been a mother since I was 19. I turned 19 a month before we had our son. And my husband turned 19 2 days before. Being a mom feels like the only thing I know. We were 22 when we had our daughter. We will be 40 this year. It may sound bad. But, I have no intention on going out & getting a job. I don't have to work. And have lots of things to keep me busy at home. But, for some reason I find myself feeling so guilty. I don't do the things I love or enjoy. I worry & fret & have been crying a lot. I mess around on the internet. Watch Netflix. Get out & walk with a friend & I help do paperwork & filing with our business. But, I don't know how to get past the feeling guilty part of not working & start to truly enjoy my new season. My husband doesn't want me to work. So I don't understand why I'm having such a hard time with guilt. I love to sew & crochet & read. But, I'm so busy feeling so guilty. I don't alllw myself to do much of any of it? I really hope I'm making sense here 😳

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Why do I feel guilty?
« on: February 12, 2017, 05:29:22 PM »

Offline MaryB

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Re: Why do I feel guilty?
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2017, 05:35:16 PM »
You are making all kinds of sense!  In the world today, we are judged by the pay check we bring in, not the children we raise of anything else.  You have to give yourself permission to be your own person, no matter what anyone thinks.  You are a hard worker and not a lazy bone in your body so you feel guilty to NOT get another job.  In reality your put the years in and can retire with no guilt at all!  You are still young enough that after you do your thing for a while you may even want to get a job outside of the house, but in the meantime, you enjoy your retirement!    :cute group hug:

Offline MomOf2Rugrats

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Re: Why do I feel guilty?
« Reply #2 on: February 12, 2017, 06:46:24 PM »
Mary! Thank you! I believe you are on to something! I do worry about being judged. And in all reality, I know it's not up to people to judge me. But, I still let it bother me. And, I never looked at it the way you put it. I think maybe because I am younger. I hadn't looked at it as "retirement". Friends will be in their 50's before their kids are grown & flying the coop. I struggle to grasp these concepts!

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Why do I feel guilty?
« Reply #2 on: February 12, 2017, 06:46:24 PM »

Offline Jeanine

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Re: Why do I feel guilty?
« Reply #3 on: February 12, 2017, 06:48:47 PM »
I agree with Mary, don't feel guilty, no reason to. One thing though, if you like to sew and crochet have you thought about crocheting afghans/blankers for a homeless shelter or maybe a nursing home? Sounds like something that would be very rewarding and I'm sure appreciated. Not sure if you have places like that near you. There may even be other places that would appreciate something like that. Just a thought.

Offline MaryB

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Re: Why do I feel guilty?
« Reply #4 on: February 12, 2017, 07:22:20 PM »
Good ideas, Jeanine!  Momof2 is not one to sit and do nothing. She will find her way.  In the meantime, enjoy yourself!  :big hug smiley sign:
xoxoxoxox

Offline MomOf2Rugrats

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Re: Why do I feel guilty?
« Reply #5 on: February 12, 2017, 08:52:52 PM »
Thank you Jeanine! Great idea!

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Re: Why do I feel guilty?
« Reply #5 on: February 12, 2017, 08:52:52 PM »

Offline Jeanine

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Re: Why do I feel guilty?
« Reply #6 on: February 13, 2017, 06:17:46 PM »
thank you.....you sound very talented so no need to waste all that.  :13:  You might also check with some hospitals, the nursery's or children's wards  may be in need of some also. Good luck!

Offline XandO

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Re: Why do I feel guilty?
« Reply #7 on: March 01, 2017, 08:29:51 PM »
No reason to feel guilty at all "Mom". Speaking from a male's and child's perspective, I would have loved to have had a stay-at-home mom when I was a little boy who brought me up with great care and devotion. You see, my mom was sick for most of my life, leaving me when I was seven years old. Please ask your kids if they care if you work outside of the home or not. I'll bet they'll say that being with you was the best childhood had to offer! God Bless.

Offline MaryB

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Re: Why do I feel guilty?
« Reply #8 on: March 01, 2017, 08:34:25 PM »
X that was so beautiful.  I wish my son had you to influence him in his life.  He has been estranged from me for years and I gave him my all...  it's like it wasnt enough.   He met a girl that didnt want us in their life, and even though I would have never ever ever believed it possible, he turned his back on us.  You made motherhood sound wonderful and meaningful...  I know it was not to me, but it made me feel worthwhile.  Thank you


Forgive me for being so selfish..  I am so sorry you lost your precious mom so early.  I know she would never have left you if she had a choice.  So sorry. 

Offline Kidless

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Re: Why do I feel guilty?
« Reply #9 on: March 02, 2017, 06:50:43 AM »
My heart goes out to you MaryB.  I do hope that your son will realize his mistake and make contact with you soon.  I had a similar situation and did not see my son for 6 years.  His wife stormed out of his life one day taking the 2 grandbabies with her.  I see my son on a regular basis now but neither of us have seen the grandsons in several years.  Karma will find its way.  Do you even get to talk to your son on the phone?

Offline MomOf2Rugrats

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Re: Why do I feel guilty?
« Reply #10 on: March 02, 2017, 11:12:41 AM »

Thank you for the encouraging words! And, I'm so sorry that your mom was taken from you so early in your life! My daughter is glad to have me at home & available for her when needed! I wouldnt change it for the world. I just dont understand why the unnecessary guilty feelings i have



No reason to feel guilty at all "Mom". Speaking from a male's and child's perspective, I would have loved to have had a stay-at-home mom when I was a little boy who brought me up with great care and devotion. You see, my mom was sick for most of my life, leaving me when I was seven years old. Please ask your kids if they care if you work outside of the home or not. I'll bet they'll say that being with you was the best childhood had to offer! God Bless.

Offline MaryB

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Re: Why do I feel guilty?
« Reply #11 on: March 02, 2017, 02:24:14 PM »
My heart goes out to you MaryB.  I do hope that your son will realize his mistake and make contact with you soon.  I had a similar situation and did not see my son for 6 years.  His wife stormed out of his life one day taking the 2 grandbabies with her.  I see my son on a regular basis now but neither of us have seen the grandsons in several years.  Karma will find its way.  Do you even get to talk to your son on the phone?


Thank you for this..  this gives me hope!   I have always felt like as long as he is wrapped up with 'her' and her family he will not be in our life, but if anything happened to them, then he may be able to come see us.  No no communication at all.  In the beginning we tried but then she bought him a new phone and we could not have his number...  Her and her family completely cocooned him and pushed us out..  he let it happen so I am not just blaming her.. but I'll tell you it was a total shock. I never thought he was even capable of that.  We were so close before he met her.
During your 6 year trial, did you have any communication with your son?
 :cute group hug:

Offline MaryB

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Re: Why do I feel guilty?
« Reply #12 on: March 02, 2017, 02:26:00 PM »

Thank you for the encouraging words! And, I'm so sorry that your mom was taken from you so early in your life! My daughter is glad to have me at home & available for her when needed! I wouldnt change it for the world. I just dont understand why the unnecessary guilty feelings i have



No reason to feel guilty at all "Mom". Speaking from a male's and child's perspective, I would have loved to have had a stay-at-home mom when I was a little boy who brought me up with great care and devotion. You see, my mom was sick for most of my life, leaving me when I was seven years old. Please ask your kids if they care if you work outside of the home or not. I'll bet they'll say that being with you was the best childhood had to offer! God Bless.


Some of us were raised with these 'buttons' of guilt where if we are not doing anything for others we feel useless..  are you like that too? 

Offline MomOf2Rugrats

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Re: Why do I feel guilty?
« Reply #13 on: March 02, 2017, 10:23:47 PM »

Mary- i couldnt imagine my son not being in our lives! How sad for him to not be willing to stand up for himself :( I knew a woman that didn't want her husband having anything to do with his mother. And, she would tell me his mother and his side of the family were so horrible & awful bad people. He would sneak to see her. She is no longer my friend. But, somehow, she would catch him or he ended up telling her. But, he ended up leaving her & reuniting with his family. They took him in & helped him mentally im sure! They are the sweetest kindest looking people! I never have met them. But, just the pictures I've seen on facebook, their sweet souls just shine bright! But, i think he was scared of what she would do if he had a relationship. My ex friend appeared like such a nice person. It took several years, but true colors did shine thru. I just couldn't believe the real person she was. I'm just rambling. But, I feel so awful that you can't have a relationship with your son. What a huge loss!


I was raised my whole life to feel guilty. My mother was a drug addict/alcoholic & if I wasn't with her. I was with my father & he remarried & she was an awful woman. I couldn't do anything right, i was stupid, and i was never going to amount to anything.


Thank you for the encouraging words! And, I'm so sorry that your mom was taken from you so early in your life! My daughter is glad to have me at home & available for her when needed! I wouldnt change it for the world. I just dont understand why the unnecessary guilty feelings i have



No reason to feel guilty at all "Mom". Speaking from a male's and child's perspective, I would have loved to have had a stay-at-home mom when I was a little boy who brought me up with great care and devotion. You see, my mom was sick for most of my life, leaving me when I was seven years old. Please ask your kids if they care if you work outside of the home or not. I'll bet they'll say that being with you was the best childhood had to offer! God Bless.


Some of us were raised with these 'buttons' of guilt where if we are not doing anything for others we feel useless..  are you like that too?

Offline GrownChildMother

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Re: Why do I feel guilty?
« Reply #14 on: March 02, 2017, 11:30:18 PM »
There's no reason to feel guilty, you've already held the most important job of your life for over half your life. You've been a Mom! People who think being a mom isn't work have totally lost their marbles. I have never had any job that required more of my time, worried me more and wore me out more than being a mom. But, I have also never had any job that was more rewarding and made me happier than being a mom either. You held a full time job for many years whether you realize it or not. You were paid with messy diapers, dirty faces, runny noses, sloppy kisses and the best hugs and I love yous that anyone could ever give you. If you do not have to work now, try to enjoy it because you Momma have had an ongoing career for a long time and have been very successful at it. (HUGS)

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Why do I feel guilty?
« Reply #14 on: March 02, 2017, 11:30:18 PM »

 

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