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Author Topic: The Sparks gone.....  (Read 1408 times)

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Offline Marriedbutlonely

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The Sparks gone.....
« on: January 21, 2017, 02:29:52 PM »
Hello....I've been visiting for a while and decided to join up when I saw this topic. We been married 30 years, have 3 kids all grown and on their own. None married yet and no grandchildren. I'm not sure just how much longer we will stay married as I think the spark has left.


He never seems to want to do anything but play golf or hunt with his friends. I've tried to get him to go places or do a few things but he just doesn't seem to want to. I'm not sure if it is me or he is just so 'settled' in his married life that he doesn't think he needs to do anything.


Has anyone had this problem? and did you find anything to do to bring it back? No attention all interest seems to be else where. He doesn't even seem to be interested in being 'romantic' if you get my drift. I don't think he is 'fooling' around, no real signs there. I just wonder why we are even together when we don't seem to be 'together'.

Offline MaryB

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Re: The Sparks gone.....
« Reply #1 on: January 21, 2017, 06:00:06 PM »
I do think  people can get apathetic..  I have heard that when a marriage grows stale you can try to relight the flames by doing the same things you did to win your partners heart in the beginning.   Now it takes two to want to, so in other ways counseling may be needed?  Again, both parties have to want it.  Your husband may be perfectly happy in the marriage and does not realize you are lacking.  What do you think?  If you read my posts you will see my marriage is not all that it should be either, but mine other half does not want to meet in the middle.  Just trying to throw out some ideas for you, that I hope will help your marriage.   :cute group hug:

Empty Nest Moms

Re: The Sparks gone.....
« Reply #1 on: January 21, 2017, 06:00:06 PM »

Offline lisar

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Re: The Sparks gone.....
« Reply #2 on: January 21, 2017, 07:49:17 PM »
I am sad for you. After the kids were both moved out, My husband and I started doing things together. Taking walks, shopping together,  and going to Matinee's.  It has really helped us learn how to cope with our empty nest. However if your hubby won't join you for activities you suggest he do with you, I say get some real good girl friends to enjoy outings with.  I don't think a Marriage should end when you are both still committed to each other. Maybe just revamp some activities you can do together.

Offline GrownChildMother

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Re: The Sparks gone.....
« Reply #3 on: January 22, 2017, 12:14:57 AM »
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Have you talked to your husband about it? He may not realize there's a problem. He may be feeling the same thing and may think you are not interested in him. Is he on any type of medications? I know for a fact that certain medications affect a person's desire to be romantic. I would speak to him about everything you have mentioned here and even go to counseling if possible. Thirty years is a lot of time to throw away if it is because of a problem that might can be resolved.

Empty Nest Moms

Re: The Sparks gone.....
« Reply #3 on: January 22, 2017, 12:14:57 AM »

Offline Jeanine

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Re: The Sparks gone.....
« Reply #4 on: January 22, 2017, 04:24:43 PM »
Welcome to you marriedbutlonely. Sorry you are feeling that way. I kinda go along with the others here. Maybe a good heart to heart talk could do the trick? I think sometimes we just take things for granted and get in a 'rut' so to speak. He may be thinking the same about you. I'd at least give that a try and see what happens.


Good luck and do keep us posted.  :big hug smiley sign:


Offline Marriedbutlonely

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Re: The Sparks gone.....
« Reply #5 on: January 24, 2017, 01:52:15 PM »
Thank you ladies for your kind replies! I'm just not sure at this point what to do. I hace tried to talk to him but not sure if he is interested or not? I'm going to give it one more try and be a little more 'insistent' aboit the matter and see what happens. I'd just like a little more 'companionship'. If I am going to feel lonely all the time then I might as well be alone. Hopefully we can come to some sort of arrangement. Wish me luck! Thanks again for the help, it is appreciated.

Offline MaryB

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Re: The Sparks gone.....
« Reply #6 on: January 24, 2017, 02:19:59 PM »
Men can be thick headed (no offense to our dads here, because we know none of them are  :)  )
so maybe making it clearer will help.  I do believe 30 years is worth fighting for.  Good luck to you dear..  I'm pulling for you. 

Empty Nest Moms

Re: The Sparks gone.....
« Reply #6 on: January 24, 2017, 02:19:59 PM »

Offline Stitcher

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Re: The Sparks gone.....
« Reply #7 on: January 25, 2017, 08:08:10 AM »
Have you guys ever owned a pet? Maybe getting a dog would help. It would give you both something to do together again. Walk him, bathe him, play fetch. (With the dog, not the hubby  :13: )

 :tinypinkflowers:


Offline Lyndish

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Re: The Sparks gone.....
« Reply #8 on: January 25, 2017, 10:23:06 AM »
Have you told him outright that you are unhappy? I have found that my husband needs things spelled out, and he may not realise just how unhappy you are unless he is told directly.

From the sound of it he has a friends group, golf, hunting, and all the support friends give. Do you have anything, because if not you could try to find a friends group of your own. Are any of your children's friends parents feeling similarly, since they have empty nests of their own? That might be a good place to start making new friends.


Offline Marriedbutlonely

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Re: The Sparks gone.....
« Reply #9 on: February 03, 2017, 11:32:35 AM »
Ok, just thought I'd let everyone know that we did have a 'talk' several days ago. I pretty much ask him if he was still happy with me or if he would just as soon we go our separate ways. Well he seemed a bit shocked at first. I then explained how I felt and that I would like to try and find that closeness that we use to have, which meant spending more time with 'each other'.


He said that he hadn't realize that I actually felt that way and thought things we ok between us. To which I replied, "No, they are not". Then went on to explain how we never do things together anymore and seem to have our separate lives almost.


After a while of talking we decided to make the effort to start doing things again that we like. Sooo, we did go out to eat dinner a couple nights ago (it's a start) and although it seemed a bit awkward at first, we did get to talking with each other and it wasn't a bad night.


Just going to take things slow now and see how it goes!


Thanks for all the support, you all are great! (I was a bit hesitate to even post this at first but glad I did)

Offline GrownChildMother

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Re: The Sparks gone.....
« Reply #10 on: February 03, 2017, 11:51:47 AM »
So glad to hear things are starting to get a little better for you, marriedbutlonely. I wish you and your hubby the very best of luck at rediscovering each other!

Offline MaryB

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Re: The Sparks gone.....
« Reply #11 on: February 03, 2017, 12:11:29 PM »
That's wonderful news!!! So so glad for you both!   :smileyholdingflower:

Offline Jeanine

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Re: The Sparks gone.....
« Reply #12 on: February 03, 2017, 04:12:35 PM »
That is great news marriedbutlonely. Aren't you glad you had that 'talk'? I hope you keep making progress and things work out.


I will say that we had a member on the old forum that was thinking seriously of leaving her hubby because of almost the same thing but she said that she was going to give it a year and really try hard to make things work out. They both worked at it and low and behold things turned out good for them. So hang in there and see where it goes!
 :grouphugsign:

Offline XandO

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Re: The Sparks gone.....
« Reply #13 on: February 11, 2017, 09:14:31 AM »
As a guy, I'm happy to see that things may be working out for you, marriedbutlonely. I've been married to my wonderful soulmate for going on thirty-five years now, and even though the physical part has dwindled, we still do everything together. I suppose it helps being the introvert that I am, not much of a hunter or golf player. Good luck to both of you!

Offline Marriedbutlonely

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Re: The Sparks gone.....
« Reply #14 on: March 21, 2017, 09:03:25 AM »
Sorry it's been a while since I was last here but to update everyone, things do seem to be getting better. Although not 100% it is better. We actually go out to eat at least once or twice a 'week' now and try to go to the movies once or so a month. If not go out to one we try to find one on TV that we both want to watch and then pop some popcorn and sit back and enjoy it 'together'.  :13:


All in all I think we might actually make it and stay together now. I do want to think everyone who responded and so glad I found this forum. I don't usually do things like this (post on forums) but glad I did on this one! There are some really great people here....Thanks!

Empty Nest Moms

Re: The Sparks gone.....
« Reply #14 on: March 21, 2017, 09:03:25 AM »

 

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