Keeping communication

[Scatter]

After my son left, sometimes he asked about his father and I couldn't say anything. Strangely, I have this feeling that he is kind of disappointed that I don't keep good relationship with his father despite our divorce. I'm not sure what I can do in this situation. What would you do?

[Camie]

I'm not exactly sure why you divorced but if you are not able to communicate or have a friendly relationship with your ex husband you may need to explain this to your son.  I'm assuming your son is an adult and you can have an adult conversation with him.  Try to talk to your son about why you don't have a good relationship with your husband and see what happens.

[cherie]

You may want to engage him more and explain the circumstances that led to the divorce. He may be thinking that you are the problem or he loves you both and would want some frequent communication. That way, he will better understand why things are the way they are at the moment.

[Scatter]

I'm planning to have a talk with him when he returns home because talking via phone is just not comfortable. I was worried that he would reject us both if he couldn't understand our reasons and feeling depressed afterwards. I'd rather leave him with the positive impressions only, but I understand the point that being honest is necessary.

[Indiana]

Excuse me while I perform some CPR on an old post. 


My mother passed away without ever being able to tell me everything about my own father, and without ever letting go of the hatred and confusion she felt towards him all those long years ago.


Some parents are like this. They just do not seem to be able to tell the truth at that level, and they can't let go of what they don't understand. If this is the case here, a parent should at least tell their child just that. It may not be the closure the child is looking for, but it's a darned good start. It could open up the lines of communication in a different direction that may be able to help the parent "spill the beans" so to speak.