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Author Topic: We chose Home Care  (Read 1463 times)

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Offline Maddie30214

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We chose Home Care
« on: October 05, 2015, 03:34:47 PM »

We have all heard the old saying “Time marches on”. Old sayings are still with us because they're true. That's my theory at least. In this case, the passing of time through generations of a family means that not only are us parents obligated to take care of our children, which is a given, but also our parents if need be. With having such busy lives though, some will make the argument that “That's what nursing homes are for”. But with our busy lives there also comes the reality that money is tight for a lot of people, and some of us simply cannot afford that option. Therefore, we need to start thinking outside of the box a little and think of all this a little differently.



What I mean by that is, society has come to view working families who take care of their own parents in their own homes as being unnecessarily burdened by that task. We need to re-think that position. We can be up-to-date with all the latest technology, successful in our careers with the most up-to-date cars and devices to make sure we stay that way and see we are advanced in that regard, but that line of thinking shouldn't transfer into the most personal aspect of our lives. We shouldn't think that paying someone else to take care of our parents is an advancement of some sort on our part. To me personally, it seems like a very cold and unfeeling attitude to take. If it weren't for my parents taking care of me when I was a child, I wouldn't be in the somewhat successful position I am in now. The least I can do is return the favor, now that they are childlike in regards to being able to fend for themselves.



I say this with experience because this is exactly the position we found ourselves in recently. Our son and daughter went off to colleges in other states, we are still here in the state we were raised in with my parents not being too far away. Physically and mentally, they are nearing the end of their rope. They can still take care of themselves, but just barely. Their quality of life has been replaced with spending most of their days just taking care of the basics they need to do for themselves. They don't really have the time or physical capacities to go out and have “adventures”. See the country, travel, meet new people or add to their lives in other ways. They do have the time though to sit back and reflect on their lives and how well they did. For that, I'm grateful.



I convinced them that bedding down in one of my now vacant bedrooms and living in this house would be the best for them on two fronts: They would be spending their last years with family, and no one would be unnecessarily burdened financially. Personally? It's not a burden on us. We're glad to do it. We realize, now that it's actually happening, that it's a natural part of life. Family taking care of each other. It's a quality of life you can't buy, but you can still own it just the same.



Time can march on all it wants, we have learned that when you march right along with it........things turn out alright.


Empty Nest Moms

We chose Home Care
« on: October 05, 2015, 03:34:47 PM »

Offline Elizabeth

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Re: We chose Home Care
« Reply #1 on: October 05, 2015, 06:17:37 PM »
Hi Maddie30214....sounds like you have very lucky parents that have a daughter like you! I'm sure things will work out well for all and good for you for taking them both in. I know it can be a hard decision for some but you seemed to have no problems making yours.

Offline Blyle62

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Re: We chose Home Care
« Reply #2 on: October 07, 2015, 10:08:33 AM »
This is exactly how I feel now that my parents are getting older. I have been trying to convince them for years that they need to come and live with my husband and I now that our kids have moved out, but they just won't bite. My mother is a very stubborn person and she won't ever except the fact that there are things she can't do anymore. I live very close to my parents so I make sure that I stop over daily and check things out and do things for them that they can't do. I hope that someday they will take my advice and live the remainder of their days with us.

Empty Nest Moms

Re: We chose Home Care
« Reply #2 on: October 07, 2015, 10:08:33 AM »

Offline CarrieP

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Re: We chose Home Care
« Reply #3 on: October 08, 2015, 12:39:02 PM »
I did this for my mother after my father passed away. I felt so much more at ease having her close to me. I worked in a nursing home for many years and I vowed that I would never do that to my parents. There were so many families that I witnessed that would just leave their parents there and hardly ever visit them. I was more of a family member to those individuals than their own kids were. It's really sad to see and I know that every family is different, but I would have never been able to put my parents through something like that.

Offline Tango

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Re: We chose Home Care
« Reply #4 on: November 21, 2015, 06:05:44 AM »
The thought of putting parents into nursing homes makes me sad but sometimes the option of keeping them at your home is out of the question.  If a parent needs a wheelchair, remodeling the house would be too costly for us.

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Re: We chose Home Care
« Reply #4 on: November 21, 2015, 06:05:44 AM »

Offline Primrose

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Re: We chose Home Care
« Reply #5 on: November 22, 2015, 04:09:08 PM »
What a good daughter you are!!!  My mother-in-law spent her last 3 years with us and it wasn't pretty.  She should have been in a nursing home but my husband wouldn't hear of it.  I surely did put a strain on everything.

Offline Myreality

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Re: We chose Home Care
« Reply #6 on: November 24, 2015, 08:06:31 PM »
What a good daughter you are!!!  My mother-in-law spent her last 3 years with us and it wasn't pretty.  She should have been in a nursing home but my husband wouldn't hear of it.  I surely did put a strain on everything.
That is just what I was thinking.  I understand the need to take care of your parents but sometimes the situation isn't as black and white.  There are times when relationships are quite as good and living together is just not an option.

Offline breanne

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Re: We chose Home Care
« Reply #7 on: November 24, 2015, 09:43:50 PM »
I agree with you Myreality.  Not everyone can take in their parents.  Not all parents are easy to live with and some come with health problems that you may not be able to deal with.  It's not easy as they get older.  I think it's wonderful if there is a good relationship between you and your parents and you are able to live together.

Offline Allie

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Re: We chose Home Care
« Reply #8 on: February 15, 2016, 03:57:54 PM »
The thought of putting parents into nursing homes makes me sad but sometimes the option of keeping them at your home is out of the question.  If a parent needs a wheelchair, remodeling the house would be too costly for us.

Tango, you are right. Sometimes for other reasons it is not feasible for someone to care for their parents, either due to their current living situation or the amount of medical care the parent requires. If it is not an option your parents would not want you to beat yourself up about it. If it is an option there is no greater gift that you could give yourself, your parents or your children.

Offline Maddie30214

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Re: We chose Home Care
« Reply #9 on: September 06, 2018, 10:01:45 AM »
Hi Everyone, first off sorry for such a delay and thanks for all your replies. It's been a long few years since I was last here but thought I would update everyone on our choice to have my parents move in with us.


I have to say right off that we never regretted it and it was a joy to have them with us. Sadly they have both passed away within the past two years but we think that they enjoyed living with us in their last years. We miss them terribly but I like to think that they are both at peace now and with each other again.


I know that it can't always work out for those that want their parent(s) to live with them when they can no longer take care of themselves so please don't feel guilty about it. You have to do what is best for all.


Both of my parents passed from a heart attack within 6 months of each other. My mother first then my father. We still feel to this day that it was from a broken heart and missing her so much.


We are finally moving on and getting on with our life but it was hard for a while. They were such a part of our everyday life.




Offline MaryB

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Re: We chose Home Care
« Reply #10 on: September 06, 2018, 05:31:05 PM »
 :poster group hug:

Offline Jeanine

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Re: We chose Home Care
« Reply #11 on: September 08, 2018, 09:42:23 AM »
Thank you Maddie for that update and so sorry to hear about your parents. I'm sure they appreciated being able to live out their lives with you and your family. It's also nice that it worked out that you could take care of them.


 :big hug smiley sign:

Empty Nest Moms

Re: We chose Home Care
« Reply #11 on: September 08, 2018, 09:42:23 AM »

 

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