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Author Topic: This is gonna be the hard one.  (Read 2512 times)

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Offline Reenie53

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This is gonna be the hard one.
« on: July 15, 2015, 01:29:36 PM »
Hi All! I've been a member for a long time, just never posted much. I think I signed up when my youngest started college. She graduated the end of May and is leaving Friday morning, to move 3000 miles away, with a friend she met her 1st yr. in college.
I went through all these same feelings back the first of the year when my other daughter graduated and moved 900 miles away. Nerves are shot, imagination is running wild, feel like crying every time I open my mouth to speak.
I feel so lost. It's just me and my 2 dogs here. Thank god for them. I feel like there is no point to each day anymore. It's not like I can run to visit them 3 hours away anymore. :( It's now a 'see you at Christmastime' kind of relationship. And I absolutely hate it. I feel like a big baby. I'm all for her moving away but 3000 miles??? :(

Thanks for listening. I'll put on a happy face and wish her the very best on the outside while my inside will be silently begging her to stay closer.

Empty Nest Moms

This is gonna be the hard one.
« on: July 15, 2015, 01:29:36 PM »

Offline Kidless

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Re: This is gonna be the hard one.
« Reply #1 on: July 15, 2015, 04:52:07 PM »
Oh Reenie53.  I am so sorry you feel that way.  I'm glad you're planning to put on a smile till she leaves.  They have to leave the nest.  Now, you need to develop your own life.  Please don't stay in the house and be depressed.  Go out and do things.  Do you have friends that will travel with you?  Plan a couple of weekend getaways to places you've always wanted to go.  Join a local book club, or singles group.  Go to church and Sunday School.  There are tons of things to do.  Please promise us you will get out there and try a few.   :hugs: :huggingsmiley:

Offline Carole

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Re: This is gonna be the hard one.
« Reply #2 on: July 15, 2015, 05:01:06 PM »
Hi Reenie53.....I so agree with Kidless...you need to make yourself do things and keep busy. Trying new things (even if you aren't up to it) can keep your mind busy. Also remember that we are here for you to 'talk' to but getting out some is the best. Just start slow at first and see how it goes.

 :big hug smiley sign:

Empty Nest Moms

Re: This is gonna be the hard one.
« Reply #2 on: July 15, 2015, 05:01:06 PM »

Offline Camie

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Re: This is gonna be the hard one.
« Reply #3 on: July 16, 2015, 05:51:39 AM »
I know the feeling of not seeing your child very often.  My son only moved twenty minutes away but I see him only on occasion.  He's never been a phone person and he and his girlfriend are always out doing something, they lead busier lives than my husband and myself.  It sometimes feels like he moved to another city.  I try not to dwell on it and shoot him a text whenever I feel like reaching out just to know he's okay.  His sister usually reminds him to visit me or call.

Offline MagentaMom

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Re: This is gonna be the hard one.
« Reply #4 on: August 03, 2015, 09:53:46 PM »
I am new here. I'm no expert. I just know that this feeling is the thorn that comes with the blooming rose. My daughter moved into her own apartment yesterday. I thought I would be happy. Intellectually, I know it is right. The timing is perfect. The situation couldn't be better; However, the sadness right now is overwhelming. I visualize her as a 2 year old wearing her dalmatian backpack holding her stuffed Big Bird. I wonder if I was a good enough mom. I have a life. I have a wonderful life. I am busy and I do things etc. I am sad that this portion of mommy life is over. Sad that it went so quickly.

Empty Nest Moms

Re: This is gonna be the hard one.
« Reply #4 on: August 03, 2015, 09:53:46 PM »

Offline Peyton45

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Re: This is gonna be the hard one.
« Reply #5 on: August 04, 2015, 09:51:56 AM »
I'm so sorry Reenie53, I can't imagine my child moving that far away. It definitely makes it more difficult. I have to agree with everyone else though and tell you that even though it is hard and I'm sure there will be plenty of times that it will be difficult for her too and she will want you there, you just need to stay strong and keep going. Maybe when she gets all settled in you could go and visit her. That way you could take this as an opportunity to explore a new place and maybe you won't be as worried about her moving.

Offline LorenL

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Re: This is gonna be the hard one.
« Reply #6 on: August 19, 2015, 07:06:41 PM »
Aw... Reenie, that sounds really rough. I know how bad I felt when my kids each moved out and they didn't go all that far away.

You just have to do what you can to keep those ties. Send her cute cards and find out if you'd be able to Skype with her. Luckily, these days, there isn't an extra charge for long distance calls so maybe you can keep in touch with phone dates.

Breathe deep and take it one day at a time. You'll be okay. The adjustment is hard.

Offline nvgt16

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Re: This is gonna be the hard one.
« Reply #7 on: October 28, 2015, 07:48:43 PM »
I totally understand how you feel. My daughter moved to Spain a few years ago and I see her once a year when she gets to come home in the summer for a visit. Skyping hasn't always been easy because of the 6 hour time difference..when I get home from work, it's midnight in Madrid!? My son moved out to Utah this past January and he's not planning on returning to RI. He sometimes shuts down all communication so he can focus on his life he says. I haven't heard from him since early July. For the most part things are slowly getting better but it's like waves, some great days and some not so great days especially when I start refocusing on memories and forget to live in the present moment. This Christmas is going to be my first one solo...I only have a sister nearby and she might now show up for Christmas Eve at my home this year..she still has her young adult kids with her...So I'm trying to see what I can do for the holiday where I can still stay positive and happy! I can't afford to go away for the night so it has to be somewhat local. Someone told me theatres are open, so I might try that...maybe go out for lunch...especially seeing there won't be any gifts or stockings to open. It seems like the permanent empty nest has set in..Online dating has not been very successful..tried church...not for me and I've volunteered...not much happened there...looked into any possible single groups...I wasn't impressed... So I'm just going to try and stay positive and focused on how I can continue to make my life better for me:-)


Offline MollySloame

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Re: This is gonna be the hard one.
« Reply #8 on: December 07, 2015, 06:49:41 AM »
This is going to be out first Christmas where the whole family won't be together, and it will be a challenge, but I am grateful for the many wonderful years we have had as an intact group.


I hope everyone who posted here is able to find a way to enjoy the holiday. NVGT - do reach out to others and let them know you are looking for ideas on what to do with the day. You may find they know others are in the same situation  - offering a ready made group to go out and do something with.

Offline nvgt16

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Re: This is gonna be the hard one.
« Reply #9 on: December 07, 2015, 05:54:00 PM »
Hi, it will be my first one alone too on Christmas morning but even though I don't like the idea of being alone, I atleast know that my daughter will be with her boyfriend, his family, and at some point there friends. I feel badly for my son who will be alone but hopefully he will have met some new friends to spend the holiday with! He turns 27 on the 10th...he's never given me his complete address so I can't mail him anything...and he still hasn't communicated with me since July...so I don't mind holding off on sending him gifts until he gets back in touch. I send him messages, texts, emails, and holiday ecards and he hasn't read any of them. His loss.
   I now plan on visiting my dad in a nursing home...and the last time I went a few weeks ago, I enjoyed saying hello to other residents...it was a nice feeling!


Offline mamyk

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Re: This is gonna be the hard one.
« Reply #10 on: December 11, 2015, 08:07:33 PM »
I'm sorry to hear about your son not responding to you nvgt16, I hope it changes soon.  I'm glad your enjoying visiting your dad at the nursing home.  I bet the residents enjoyed your visit as much as you did.

Offline nvgt16

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Re: This is gonna be the hard one.
« Reply #11 on: December 11, 2015, 09:59:59 PM »
Hi, perhaps someday soon he will come to his senses..I just sent him a birthday card yesterday and no response...I'm not sending him any gifts and I really can't anyway seeing I don't have his house number. But I keep going and stay positive and I just had two miracles happen this week!? I called the h.r. department of a school district that I worked for earlier in the year on Tuesday, had a meeting with them on Wednesday, and was hired the next day as a long term fulltime ESL long term substitute teacher!? This was a complete shock seeing that I worked for them earlier in the year as a part time teacher assistant but left for my most recent (crappy) job because it was supposed to be fulltime and benefits...the director seemed to lie about the job. But where I work is awesome, the people, the kids, my job, and the pay and it's quite closer to my home..NO rush hour traffic!? Then today my second miracle this week was a medical bill was paid in full by a local hospital because I received 100% financial aid this year!? I'm so in shock! But I feel after all I have been through for these past stressful years I deserve good things!

Offline Myreality

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Re: This is gonna be the hard one.
« Reply #12 on: December 22, 2015, 06:27:51 AM »
That's great Nvgt16 that your 100% covered so the hospital paid off your medical bill and congratulations on the new job.  How is the new job going?  Are you still enjoying it?  One day I hope your son comes to his senses and I hope it's soon.

Offline nvgt16

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Re: This is gonna be the hard one.
« Reply #13 on: December 22, 2015, 07:08:31 AM »
Thanks! I LOVE my new job and now my position has been extended into January! I'm in the process of training to give my students their ACCESS test that they take next month. I'm also in the process of developing an ELL section of links on the library website. I'm meeting with the new ELL coordinator about the program but I want to see if I can create and host some literacy events for the families to come to. I look forward to being at work everyday and I think I'd go on the weekends if I could!?


Offline Myreality

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Re: This is gonna be the hard one.
« Reply #14 on: December 23, 2015, 06:33:00 AM »
It's nice when I hear someone loves the job they are doing.  I love mine because I'm working with people and it's something I've enjoyed doing for a long time.  Congratulations on the job nvgt16, I'm happy for you.

How are you doing these days Reenie53?  Have you gone to see your daughter?

 

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