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Author Topic: New here..lost and hurting so much!  (Read 3537 times)

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Offline bluebird 1

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New here..lost and hurting so much!
« on: February 24, 2015, 07:20:11 PM »
Hi..
I'm new here... looking for support. I am a single mom of an only child, my son, and a few months ago I moved out of our apartment, our home together. To say that this has been extremely hard would be an understatement. The truth is, I'm not sure I will survive and get through this, it feels so very traumatic and devastating. I feel so lost... and I just constantly want things back to the way they were. I want him back. I want to go "home". It feels like someone died and I just hurt and I cry and I cry and I hurt and I long to go back.....

I could really use some help... I am in so much pain!!
Thanks,
bluebird

Empty Nest Moms

New here..lost and hurting so much!
« on: February 24, 2015, 07:20:11 PM »

Offline amsmomm

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Re: New here..lost and hurting so much!
« Reply #1 on: February 25, 2015, 03:33:02 PM »
I am really sorry to hear that you are feeling so sad. It will get better! Trust me! I get it.

The key is building that "new" relationship with your son.

Now is the time that you can work on you. Is there anything that you have always wanted to do or learn? Go do it...

Take a college course
Make new friends
Join a book club

Do something so that you are busy. Your relationship is changing, as it should. You did great if your son is on his own. That is our main job in life (as a mom).

Hugs to you!

Offline Camie

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Re: New here..lost and hurting so much!
« Reply #2 on: February 26, 2015, 07:22:35 PM »
Hi Bluebird.  Welcome to a community where we all share our feelings, thoughts and try to help each other out.

I agree with both Jeanine and Amsmomm, in that over time the feeling of loss will be less painful.  It is a weird and uncomfortable feeling when they move on with their lives.  I have my moments when I start thinking about it and feel the emptiness in the pit of my stomach.  Keeping busy does help a little and will help to ease the pain some.

Empty Nest Moms

Re: New here..lost and hurting so much!
« Reply #2 on: February 26, 2015, 07:22:35 PM »

Offline bluebird 1

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Re: New here..lost and hurting so much!
« Reply #3 on: February 27, 2015, 12:18:02 AM »
Thanks for the very nice welcome and also for your encouragement. Yes, I moved out of our apartment and he stayed there and got a roommate. I know that is alsogreatly affecting me, going through the change of losing my home also. I feel so lost and like there is nothing underneath me. This grief is unlike anything I have ever experienced!!

Offline Elizabeth

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Re: New here..lost and hurting so much!
« Reply #4 on: February 27, 2015, 08:28:11 AM »
Hi Bluebird and a big welcome from me also. You have certainly come to the right spot for some support. You really just need to try to take it one day at a time. Try to make some sort of plan for each day to get you through and keep at it. You will start to feel better about things after a while. For some it just takes a bit longer. Just know that a lot of others here have been where you are now. Don't forget you can come here anytime to talk.  :big hug smiley sign:

Empty Nest Moms

Re: New here..lost and hurting so much!
« Reply #4 on: February 27, 2015, 08:28:11 AM »

Offline amsmomm

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Re: New here..lost and hurting so much!
« Reply #5 on: February 28, 2015, 07:45:31 PM »
Leaving your home is even tougher. If you look through some of my posts you will see that I have been through it too (kind of new still). I left a relationship of 14 years, moved out of my home and my daughter left for college all in one week. I am not in a new home (and love it), my daughter is back and commuting and I'm happy! It took some time but it worked out. I felt like no one understood. People got sick of hearing me complain (no one here though). This is a great place to be. Everyone here is wonderful. No one judges or complains that you complain too much.

Offline Kidless

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Re: New here..lost and hurting so much!
« Reply #6 on: March 01, 2015, 08:56:50 AM »
Welcome to our group Bluebird.  We all have issues of one sort or another.  Grief is a hard emotion to come through but time is the best medicine.  Do you attend church?  If not, it may be a good time to start.  My church has several support groups going on for this sort of thing.  I'll bet you would find someone there that has gone through the same thing.  Please look into it and keep us posted.

Offline dananodler

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Re: New here..lost and hurting so much!
« Reply #7 on: March 03, 2015, 10:48:22 AM »
Welcome Bluebird, glad you found us and will be reading your thoughts and posts soon. Nothing you are feeling isn't something we too have felt. In the beginning it is very over whelming. Learning to be alone and not on duty as Mom. Begin to look for a new purpose in your life. Your son is still your son...this is what we worked towards for their whole lives. Big Hugs! :big hug smiley sign: :grouphugsign:

Offline LorenL

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Re: New here..lost and hurting so much!
« Reply #8 on: March 03, 2015, 12:32:46 PM »
Hi Bluebird. Gentle hugs coming your way. I am glad you are here.

It is difficult and grieving is perfectly normal. I think we all go through that in one form or another. I think most of all we mourn for the past and how quickly the time has gone by. No one likes change and yours has been drastic.

It is all in the natural order of things. It means you did your job right and your son can stand on his own now. That is to your credit. Don't forget that. You were successful.

Offline Gabriela

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Re: New here..lost and hurting so much!
« Reply #9 on: March 03, 2015, 06:03:15 PM »
Aww Bluebird, big hug to you. I know this is a tough time for you, but you have landed here in a community that is caring and will listen with open ears, hearts and minds. We have all been through some form of this and it is a challenge to see how you will come out the other side. But the good news is, that even if it doesn`t feel like it, you DO come out the other side.  :grouphugsign:

Offline txzookeeper

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Re: New here..lost and hurting so much!
« Reply #10 on: March 08, 2015, 08:31:57 PM »
bluebird, I'm really sorry things are so rough right now.  You have to take it one day at a time.  Eventually, you will start to feel like your new place is home.  I can't imagine how hard it was for you to move out of your apartment though.  Leaving your home and your son had to be heart wrenching for you.  It will get better though.  Keep telling yourself that.  Do you have any pets?  If you don't and have thought about getting one, now would be a good time!  It would help give you something to focus on.  If you don't want a pet, search for something you would like to try doing. It's hard to start this chapter of your life but you will settle into it, even if it takes awhile.  I wish you the best.  Keep us updated about how things are going and what you're doing.   

Offline bluebird 1

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Re: New here..lost and hurting so much!
« Reply #11 on: March 08, 2015, 10:24:30 PM »
Thanks everyone. I do have a pet, my puppy girl who is almost nine years old. She is so sweet and loving! I guess right now I am just trying to get through the days. I've been very depressed..... I haven't been able to work for several years due to ptsd and depression and a lot of past issues have been triggered with this transition. Every day is a struggle right now. Thank you all for your encouragement. It means a lot to me.

Offline Gabriela

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Re: New here..lost and hurting so much!
« Reply #12 on: March 10, 2015, 06:51:03 AM »
Bluebird, keep us posted, you`re among friends. This is a great place for support and just to vent, if you need to. Trust me, take it one day at a time. Or sometimes one hour at a time. :) One foot in front of the other is all we can do. Big hug.

Offline dananodler

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Re: New here..lost and hurting so much!
« Reply #13 on: March 10, 2015, 02:48:08 PM »
Bluebird - I know all about depression.....got meds that work for me...today I live a very full and happy life. I even got over totally missing my kids 24/7.

Early on, I learned how to live 1 minute at a time. I was clearly in a very dark place. In regards to PTSD, that is something best worked on with a professional or support group of said issue. Please don't try and be a HERO and ignore the PTSD on your own. It's a very serious condition as is Depression......please know that I CARE and I can almost feel your pain. Others in this group maybe familiar with PTSD and can offer you some guidance. I'm not qualified for this. Please keep posting and please keep reading.

 :goodpost: :grouphugsign: :big hug smiley sign: :tinypinkflowers: :13:

Offline Yolanda

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Re: New here..lost and hurting so much!
« Reply #14 on: March 23, 2015, 10:13:53 AM »
I am so sorry to hear about you are going through such a difficult time. I am glad that you have found this forum and have reached out to the members. I hope that you have found the help that you need and that time has helped to ease you into this new phase of life. In times of uncertainty, it has always helped me to carve out a special time every day to meditated and center myself. There are a lot of great guided meditations on YouTube. Find one that resonates with you. I hope this will be of help to you. 

 

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