A needy friend

[Oldwiseone]

When your children have left home, and all you have left is your husband, it's very sad when your husband suddenly dies. This has just happened to a friend of my sister in law and the poor woman is so needy she is forever in my SIL's house. I do feel sympathy but I also feel for my SIL who now no longer has a life of her own! Oh dear, what to do?

[dananodler]

Oldwiseone-I think you sister is super special to walk along side her friend. Needy, you think? If I lost my husband of over 35yrs today and yes, both of my kids are grown, I would be needy too.
My world would have just fallen apart on me.

If I had a career/job/activities/support group - all things in place GREAT! My world/life did just fall apart if I were to loose my husband.

Very sorry for your SIL friend today. It must be overwhelming.

[dananodler]

Gosh Oldwiseone -[ Why do people have friends anyway, if when a crisis occurs the feel like you do about it. Sorry, I usually agree with you, but really where did this line of thinking come from?

[Oldwiseone]

I'm afraid it comes from my sister in law, Dana. She lost her own husband some years ago and threw herself into lots of different activities. She was never "needy" so I think she feels that her friend should be like her. I can't really advise her because I just don't know how badly I would take it if my husband died. She does show sympathy and support to her friend, but complains bitterly to me about it all the same!

[Kidless]

Encourage your SIL to take this friend with her to some of her activities.  Eventually, she will be weaned and strong enough to go on her own.  I feel sorry for the woman but as long as your SIL enables her, she will be there every day.  Does she have any other family?

[Kiley1961]

I agree with both Dana's and Kidless's advice. Yes, if this is your SIL's friend, she just has to put up with a certain amount of neediness. That's what grief is, neediness. However, pushing/dragging the friend to get out and do something will help get rid of some of that neediness. And of course, OWO, since stuff runs downhill, you have the chore of letting your SIL complain, and giving your SIL the advice about her friend.

[Oldwiseone]

My SIL is a very strong, outgoing person, unlike her friend, who would be absolutely out of her depth at any of the activities my SIL undertakes. This friend seemingly just wants someone to handle the finances, run the household and do everything for her, as her husband did. I think my SIL is just about at the end of her tether but, hey, I have already told her that, as a friend, she has to take this responsibility, and she will just have to put her busy life on hold for now. I think they became friends only because they live next door to each other, and not because they have anything in common. Unfortunately the woman's family live too far away.

[dananodler]

OldwiseOne - So they really aren't good friends.....I admit again and may be Bood off this post, my husband has his role here and I have mine. It's been that way forever. He does pay our bills, manages our cars and has his jobs, I have mine here as well. He and I both would be fish out of water if something happened to one of us.

I'm sure I could manage what he does for us, but it would be an adjustment for me. Like I said in my last post. Even if everything was in perfect order and I managed all of his jobs and mine and had everything in order, I probably wouldn't be worth a flip for awhile. I would be in foreign territory without my other half.

Through marriage we have become inter-dependent on each other in our relationship. Thinking I would rather keep my head buried in the sand on this train of thought. For me, it would be a nightmare.

I pray for this lady and all the others they are adjusting to finding themselves alone for whatever reason. Think the EN was an adjustment? WOW

Ladies - Have a Blessed Day and so glad we are not in this position.